I think therefore I am

Cogito ergo sum! Latin for I think, therefore, I exist! Rather than arrogating all thought and all existence to myself, I share the honours with all you who are here- and say "You think, therefore, you exist" as an extremely generous extrapolation of Rene Descartes! And while it may seem 'sour', like most things in life the title of my blogspace is deliberately obdurately misleading- 'so you are' is not to be read as sour. I've embarked on this blog with reservations and misgivings and exhortations from my family not to let all the skeletons out, so, while I would continue to exist, this blog here needs your comments for its continued existence.

Given that this is my first post and the people reading it (atleast for old times sake) would be friends, lets take a trip down memory lane. Given the way I look, and my friends don't need a pic to confirm this- there is not often a need for me to take a peek at the self and I generally avoid undertaking such daunting and daring activities. This policy has stood me in good stead for a large part of my life but then POLICIES are sooo boring.

Suddenly, one day, I looked into a mirror! WHAT A SHOCK it was! Me, a middle-aged woman (a couple of gray hair, too), with one husband, two kids, one steady boring bureaucratic career and no fun prospects whatsoever! How did I reach here? A birdwatcher who hasn't hefted a Salim Ali or Grimmett, Inskipp & Inskipp in eons? A person who doesn't climb trees however easy they are to climb. A creature who goes to the beach and sits demurely by the chappals? while kiddies splash about? A geographer who does book-keeping? And a dilliwalli in Bangalore?

So what really went absolutely wrong? Can it all be docked at the altar of marriage? Can a person change so much only becuz she lives in a different address? has tagged on a different 'sur'name? Or it it more biological? A hotch-potch soup of big mamas- estrogen & progestrone with the character roles being played by cortisol, adrenaline, prolactin, oxytocin, insulin and ofcourse the 'lil' daddy, testosterone? I have been known to hold the view that our lives are chemically determined and the only way to change things is through chemical intervention!?!

How did I or that most of us, land up where we are at present? Yes, we do have a sense of achievement and accomplishment, but is this what we set out for? Did the sweetest voice in school (not me, for the benefit of those who dont know me) not aspire to sing more than lullabies? Didn't the best footballer not want to more than a player of the stock market? And did the lawyers start by dreaming of legal skulldrudgery?? Yet the amazing thing is that so many of us are still so excited about keeping in touch and meeting up with each other. Come 18th of December, 2005, a 100+ of us from school are actually going to be there for the 21st! annual- looking, looking looking. Desperately seeking a confirmation from each other that we look the same- that though we are older, rounder, gentler, kinder to each other's faults, forgiving to a large extent our own and others' foibles, we are what we started of as. As fresh and cheeky and bright eyed as when we thought the world was black & white and not a maze of grays which we have to constantly interpret & navigate.

So, to reiterate the point, while we are constantly straddling the world to stay ahead, we do need to look back over our shoulders to see how far ahead we are and how quickly we can bridge the gap back to the starting point! And I feel that we need to take that measure because we NEED to stay in touch with our selves. Here I rest case- I think, therefore, I am and you think, so you are!